Negotiator Speaks : Reflections by Bernard Fernandes

Challenging conventional edges! That’s what comes to mind when I think of negotiation. When you read books such as ‘Getting to Yes’, which is considered the Gold standard for a beginner in negotiation, one cannot but help wonder about the structure and course of a negotiation. While such a scheme and discipline is required for the decorum and progress of a negotiation, it seldom allows a person to understand the full scope of the negotiation that is at his disposal.

Negotiation as a concept is only catching up in the recent years as an educational course and most books only give you an idea or brief about what are the do’s and don’ts of a negotiation. Three of the best advices a negotiator can give another are, (i) “Exploit your strengths; but not your weaknesses!”

(ii) Use relationship as the bond that gels both parties and

(iii) Show the emotional connect that you would otherwise not find in litigation.

Think out of the Box!

The ability to think out of the box is most welcome in this setting and perhaps can dazzle every person in the room. It is this ability to find ‘out of the box’ solutions that makes the experience unique in its own right.

And always know when to sympathize. To get these ‘out of the box’ solutions, you need to challenge conventional thinking. Books would say what they have to, and all the advice you have got would not amount to anything if you leave the negotiation table with a broken down relationship.

Listening is the mantra! To get the ‘out of the box’ creative solutions, you have to really listen to the other side. And when I say “listen”, I mean don’t get into negotiation with a hundred solutions that you are not willing to part with. Listen, and you will learn more than you had ever wished for and perhaps will also find the stroke of brilliance as a solution that keeps everyone happy.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen you may learn something new.”

I had tried to practice these words by Dalai Lama and perhaps I learnt it to be true through the years, in my work as well as the few times I negotiated in competitions.

Listening is the first step towards learning to negotiate. Replying to what is said should be only to understand more of what the other party wants. Once you understand the wants, emotions, etc. you would be in a better position to give a solution and most of the time it turns out to be an option you never thought you would throw on the table as you walked into the room.

Patience and self-discipline while listening and understanding play the largest role and negotiation skills is also a test of character, as the new generation do not have the time nor patience for anything, let alone understanding one another.

I have always believed in negotiation.

And for negotiation, the only prominent question is do we have the patience to listen, understand and think out of the box?